HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WILL . . .

Photo By Will Meinhart

 

With heaps of prayers I'm sending you

A birthday wishes
May the road of happiness and more

Which leads you to the stairs of bliss

Make a wish and give it wings

Dreams of bright and beautiful things

Each life you’ve been blessed to touch

 

　

Reminds me to persevere,

If not for your birth day

I wouldn't have someone

who is always there for me,

helping and supporting me

making life easy and peaceful.

 

　

A special way of knowing that someone is always there

A special understanding that has time passed has grown,

And today cherishing all those things been above,

I would love to bring the world to your feet on your Birthday as your present,

but let my wishes suffice with a genuine prayer for your happiness and well

being.

　

　

End of the words . . . . talk to the foot

 

 

 

i am the center of a

one-way conversation

to the god-complex

wielding a scalpel

on my shoulder

　

i reek of profundities yet

speak such profanity

to spite your preconceived

notions that a few fucks,

shits and bitches is

resonant of evidence i

can't drop your thoughts

for a tick

　

(shall i tock)

 

i've discovered the

machinations of my

spartan conundrum

spoilt with brandied sweet-

honey sweat -- whereas

she felt us simply lost

in translation,

 

i found

myself truly lost

but only one thoroughly

selfish could accuse

me of selfishness, hell-

bent on a romance written

in opium-smoked signals

accurst with contentment

in the cursive of conceit

　

i practice the art of sanity

in the face of an ill logic:

I am queen, commoner,

jester and spiritual advisor

for an empire of one

　

a woman of many hats

reclining in a guillotine

SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

I am typing up and retyping my scattering thoughts in the dark tonight, trying to scribble down every word and every syllable on my computer before they fall behind my thoughts

The windows feel too tight, the door too shut and the ceiling spinning, closing in

These sleepless nights, I imagine all the scattered words and fairytales with no endings and whispering beautiful songs I would whisper in your ear
But when I see you, all I could say is  ‘I missed you’  just like anyone else would have said, with a blank expression and emotion, emotion stronger than the whole universe, bubbling inside of me

The window blows open by the late night wind and the blank curtains hover in the room, casting big shadows and reviving the most fearful, childhood nightmares

The wind blew hard and I sat on the steps breathing in the cold air, an atmosphere without you beside me.

They have all left, in crowds and in pairs, but I was still alone, breathing in cold air like a cigarette and ruining my lungs.....

Conversation Overheard

 

 

"We grow and evolve,
And move away from things that
Used to captivate us."

 

"It's part of life..."
"I don't really remember..."
"I don't really want to know."

 

"You're so far beyond me..."

 

"Trade offs - "
"So what do you say
We move on..."

 

 

MNEMOSYNE

 

i fell in love with the delicate curve of her neck,
faint and lithe as a flame writes itself into the cracks of souls
as if an angel wet her finger in the clouds and painted a scene
of doves in the belltower of hell,
moon children with phantom masks that make the world tremble with shadows
and their black despair

i crumble when you touch my tears
i can smell funeral orchids curling in your hair
skull pregnant with the snowy ashes of memory
that can only be reborn
in the dread chimes of eternity, twelve strokes at midnight, twelve songs
a child laughing somewhere very far away, smoke filling the room
and moving her lacy hips
in time with dying

i watched her from my window she had white victorian birds in her hair
and i could do nothing but smile softly without a face
as my shadow formed the silhouette of a phoenix
her face was bone china and without movement
but her eyes burned
i saw the black and dreaming ocean of a parisian silent film through them
bloated with cracked roses and mirror salt
she walked into the sea
and floated forever away from the light

but i knew she was writhing with the shadows and sea dandelions,
lighting beautifully the skeleton of a beast
with her swan plume of death and life and everything in between
pearl laden mermaid hair and flowered moss matted to my thighs, i was carried to a beach
littered with gray diamonds and apple cores and longing
i floated with peacock feathers glued to my eye sockets
i saw with the palms of my hands and the murmur of lightning in my chest

i bloom now only in memoir shaped regret
slumbering only when the stars die on my spine just so
feigning the deference of wings,
plagued with nightmares of being happy that mold the pulp of my lips like clay
when i dream, i will dream only
of that fateful ride to the coroner's office,
her skinless paper doll face
my last poem penned on a cold february morning
before the sun had risen and i could feel my blood

i wrote a requiem for her,
blue veined and masterful
the sponge that sucked the life of the last lingering vines of my flower bed
in hopes that her blood chrysalis would find wings
and flicker sometimes in my peripheral vision,
a soft cool hand pressed against my feverish brow

i go to my window every morning hoping i'll find a cocoon
or a hairline fracture in the clouds
i torture myself

you refuse to think of me or or even haunt the crumbling labyrinth of my thoughts
spanish lolitas, dried red flowers pressed in between the pages of their hair,
disappear around corners i never knew existed
and minotaurs scream with savage mourning, skeletons of clouds chained
to the wall
my skin still smelling like yesterday rain

so i will think of you as a broken doll
heart like a blue bird dying in your chest


i will think of you as me